By Peter Ehrlich
There was a poll recently that asked single parents how their love life is going. It did not suprise me to see that 55% of single parents said they were "about to give up" or "gave up"!
After all, being a single mom or dad means our one brain and two hands does the work of two brains and four hands, or put another way, we’re busy.
But single parents should never be too busy for romance and intimacy because it makes us happy and being happy makes us better parents. If you don’t believe me, ask your children if they like you better when you’re happy.
It takes work, stamina and courage to love again. As a single parent you’ve likely gone through a challenges you have no intention of repeating. What with the agonizing process breaking up, actual break up, custody agreement and division of things, it is normal that you want to pause before you leap into the romantic fire.
And pausing doesn’t mean being paralyzed by fear and not moving forward. It is likely you know yourself better now and with that comes an enhanced understanding of the kind of person you want to meet next.
You have the wonderful opportunity to meet someone who is empathetic to your situation, loves children and accepts you as the terrific “package” you know you are – nurturing person, parent and lover.
Never feel guilty about your primal need to search for love because ultimately we know we can’t function normally without it. No one can. And whether you know it or not, your child(ren) are quietly rooting for you. And if they’re teenagers, the rooting may not be so quiet. Our chid(ren) want us to be happy and the reason is clear. We’re better parents when we feel liked by someone, loved by someone, touched by someone, human.
I remember a co-worker named Irene, a single parent, bounded in last week with a big grin on her face. I knew she went out on a third date with a guy the night before so I suspected they may have taken things to a next level.
I was right, because at lunch, in between bites of tuna on brown she divulged to me from how her handsome date, Gian-David, proud owner of real biceps, pecs, soccer-player legs and a thatch of thick black hair ordered wine, to how he seemed to know where every magic place on her body was. Actually, he showed her spots she didn’t even know she had. And best of all, he made of point of telling her how he admired her for what a wonderful mother and lover she was! For the rest of the day Irene just seemed a little happier to be in the office than the rest of us.
Of course, the world is also easier to navigate post-orgasm.
We single parents challenge ourselves every day to be the best parent we can be. We give, give and give some more. But when we feel it’s time for us to “get”, we need to put away the regret and guilt, throw our shoulders back, walk tall and make it happen.
We’re wise enough to know that nothing worthwhile such as re-launching our love life just comes to us. It takes work and stamina and if that means getting out and joining up with like-minded people or turning on our computer to join that online dating site our friends are suggesting, it may just be time to do exactly that.
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